.svg)
If you’ve come across posts that suggest Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can be invalidating, you’re not alone. It's understandable why some people might feel this way, especially when hearing terms like Emotion Regulation—one of DBT's core modules. For those who are already dealing with overwhelming emotions, the idea of “regulating” feelings can seem like a directive to change or suppress emotions, which could feel dismissive of their lived experience.
However, this perception is a misunderstanding of what DBT’s Emotion Regulation actually entails. So, let’s clarify what this skill set is truly about.
What Emotion Regulation Really Means in DBT
Emotion Regulation in DBT is not about forcing yourself to feel differently or repressing emotions. In fact, the process starts with a deep acknowledgment of what you’re feeling. This step is crucial—recognizing and validating your current emotional state is the first step to understanding how these emotions might drive behaviors that you find ineffective or unhelpful.
The aim of Emotion Regulation is to provide tools that allow you to respond differently to intense emotions. By using these skills, you’re not pretending the emotions don’t exist or pushing them away; rather, you’re finding more effective ways to respond to them. As you practice these skills, your behavior changes, and over time, this can lead to shifts in your emotional experiences—but only as a byproduct of healthier responses.
The Journey Isn’t About Directly Changing Feelings
You might be wondering: Isn’t this just a fancy way of saying I should change how I feel? It can seem that way, but that’s not the goal. Think of feelings as waves—they come and go, some stronger than others. Emotion Regulation doesn’t try to stop the waves; instead, it teaches you how to surf them more skillfully.
The primary goal is to help you make choices that align with your “life worth living” goals, regardless of what emotion is present in the moment. This can look different for different people. For some, the result might be that they eventually don’t feel certain emotions as intensely. For others, the emotions might still be present, but they are better tolerated, allowing for effective behavior even in the face of emotional pain.
The Reality of Skillful Coping
It’s important to acknowledge that DBT’s approach to emotions can initially feel counterintuitive. It might even feel like a “sleight of hand,” where the focus seems to shift from how you feel to what you do. But the truth is, DBT operates on the understanding that behavior change can influence emotional experiences over time. The focus isn’t on masking or invalidating the emotion, but on achieving your life worth living goals through more effective actions, even if the emotional experience remains difficult.
Closing Thoughts
If you’re someone who’s felt invalidated by DBT’s approach, it’s okay to feel that way. DBT isn’t about telling you how to feel; it’s about giving you choices for how to respond. It recognizes that emotions are valid, but it also recognizes that the behaviors driven by those emotions may not always be effective for achieving what you want in life. So, whether DBT helps you feel differently or just helps you live more effectively with the same feelings, it’s a process rooted in acceptance and empowerment, not in invalidation.
Above all, it’s worth remembering that DBT is a tool, and like any tool, it may not be right for everyone. But for many, it offers a pathway to a more meaningful life, not by dismissing emotions, but by learning to navigate them in a way that aligns with personal goals and values.
If you’re curious about how DBT might help you, it can be helpful to consult with a trained therapist or explore community resources. Remember, the journey is uniquely yours, and it’s okay to take it at your own pace.
{{promo-banner-1}}
.svg)
.png)