Cope Ahead for the Holidays

The holidays are a time for joy, connection, and gratitude. It’s a chance to reconnect with loved ones and create lasting memories. Yet, for many, this season can also be a source of stress, particularly in the wake of heightened political tensions or challenging family dynamics. Whether it’s navigating heated debates at the dinner table, managing the pressure to meet expectations, or simply balancing the hustle and bustle, the holidays can sometimes feel overwhelming.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can prepare yourself to handle potential stressors while still embracing the beauty of the season. One DBT skill in particular can help you face the holidays with greater ease and confidence: Cope Ahead.

What Is the Cope Ahead Skill?

The Cope Ahead skill is a proactive approach to managing difficult situations. It involves planning ahead for challenges that might arise and rehearsing how you will handle them, so you’re less likely to feel blindsided or overwhelmed. Think of it as a mental dress rehearsal that equips you with the tools you need to respond skillfully, even under pressure.

Here are the key steps to using Cope Ahead:

1. Describe: Think about a specific event or scenario that you anticipate could be stressful or challenging. Use Check the Facts, Observing and Describing the situation without judgment. Name the emotions and behaviors that might get in the way of acting effectively. 
2. Decide: Ask yourself what you want to accomplish in this situation. Then, identify the skills you want to us. Be very specific and describe how you will you skills in the moment to tolerate difficult emotions and strong urges.
3. Imagine the Situation: Picture yourself in the situation as vividly as possible. Imagine the sights, sounds, and emotions you might experience as if it were happening NOW.
4. Rehearse in your mind coping effectively: Now, imagine using skills to cope effectively. Rehearse what skills you’ll use and rehearse what you may do and/or say. Rehearse coping effectively in even the most challenging and catastrophic situations.
5. Practice Relaxation: After all that imagining, give yourself a much-needed break and practice relaxation and self-soothe skills. 

Now It’s Your Turn: Try Our Interactive Cope Ahead Exercise Below!

‍‍

Using Cope Ahead This Holiday Season

Let’s explore how Cope Ahead can help during the upcoming holidays. Imagine this scenario:

1. Describe: You know Thanksgiving dinner often leads to heated political discussions. Your uncle tends to make strong statements that clash with your values, and you worry it could spark an argument. Check the Facts: It’s a family gathering, not a debate club. People have strong opinions, and conversations sometimes get tense. Emotions/Behaviors to Address: Frustration and anger might bubble up, making you want to argue back or leave the table abruptly.

2. Decide What You Want to Accomplish: Stay calm, avoid escalating the conversation, and focus on maintaining family harmony.

Skills to Use:

• ‍STOP Skill: Pause before reacting, take a breath, and step back mentally. ‍
• DEAR MAN: Use gentle persuasion to redirect the conversation or set a boundary if needed. ‍
• Opposite Action: Choose not to engage in the debate, even if you feel like jumping in. ‍
• Self-Soothe: Keep something comforting nearby, like a stress ball or calming scent, to ground yourself.

Specific Plan: If a political topic comes up, focus on deep breathing. If someone directs a question at you, respond neutrally and shift the conversation to a lighter topic.

‍

3. Imagine the Situation: Close your eyes and picture yourself at the dinner table. You hear your uncle start a political discussion. Imagine the sounds of silverware clinking, people laughing, and then the tone getting serious. Notice the feelings of discomfort rising in you, but picture yourself sitting calmly, breathing deeply, and staying composed.

4. Rehearse in Your Mind Coping Effectively: Imagine someone turning to you for your opinion. Picture yourself taking a deep breath, smiling, and saying, “I think we’ve had enough politics for today—how about dessert instead?” Then imagine successfully redirecting the conversation. Even if someone persists, picture yourself maintaining a calm tone, repeating your limits, and not engaging further.

5. Practice Relaxation: After rehearsing, take a moment to relax. Imagine leaving the table for a quick bathroom break and splashing cool water on your face. Or practice progressive muscle relaxation—

Additional Skills to Have in Your Toolbox

While Cope Ahead is a powerful skill, there are other DBT tools that can also help you thrive during the holidays:

• GIVE, and FAST: These interpersonal effectiveness skills can help you communicate your needs, maintain relationships, and preserve your self-respect when interacting with loved ones.
• Radical Acceptance: Practice accepting situations you can’t change (like Uncle Joe’s predictable jokes or Aunt Susan’s unsolicited advice) to reduce unnecessary suffering.

Your Holiday DBT Toolkit

With the holidays fast approaching, now is a great time to review and practice these skills. You can find detailed guidance on these and other DBT skills in our DBT Pocket Guide.

Remember, the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. By planning ahead and equipping yourself with effective skills, you can navigate the challenges with grace and truly savor the season.

This holiday, take a moment to practice gratitude—for your resilience, your growth, and the connections that make the holidays special. Wishing you a peaceful and fulfilling holiday!

‍

{{promo-banner-1}}